So lately I have been stressed out with college apps and trying to keep my grades above a 4.0 GPA as my own goal, and this has lead me to so  much stress. I usually manage stress well, trying to keep my issues to myself becuae I know and have realized that I am not the only one that suffers from the problems I am facing. And so with that said, I tend to turn my stress and anxiety to the comfort from food, which is never the right thing to do.

This is called Emotional Eating, which is a disorder where a person tends to turn to food for a comfort, a stress relief, or a reward for the work we have done well. But with this disorder, you tend to feel worse after you eat not only because food cannot talk and council you through your problems, or write your college apps for you, but also because you feel guilty from over eating. I have realized that this is a problem I face most of the time. Part of the reason I did my senior project on health and fitness is to overcome this struggle I face almost every day, another part is because I face this disorder and so doing my research on it and other disorders, I can better understand why I have this disorder and research the best ways to overcome it.

I lately have been very stressed out and have not been following my new lifestyle the way I want too and that has become an issue. I have started up small habits again and eating when I am stressed out, which stresses me out more because I know I should not be eating like that. No matter how strong I feel, I always break down, and even the littlest piece of chocolate that I could have eaten from stress will make me feel so bad, and so therefore I will refuse to eat.

That is where I am wrong. You should never turn to over eating, or under eating as a way to fix your problems. I do wish that I could have a better way to get rid of this, like go to someone, a friend or an adult I trust, but in today’s society no one wants to go to someone else. We are taught that no one truly is there for us, and they only listen to us to gossip about us.

I personally think that is sad and should never be the truth. This is why people have problems, they feel like they could never go to ANYONE. This is why so many people in our time are being diagnosed with so many disorders, and the medicine provided is not healing them.

With this being said, my future career I want to be apart of is an Eating Disorder Couselor. The industry of disorders is just fake. They make all this money from selling drugs to their patients instead of taking their time to actually talk to them and try and fix a problem instead of just giving them medicine. That is why I chose to join this industry. I hope to be a person who can be there for a patient and not just give them medicine that only gives me money and does not help the patient.

So I am not quiet sure how to end this rant lol but I love you all and thank you for the support.


I don’t really know.

wanted to start this out with i don’t know, but obviously in my title you can tell, i don’t know.

sometimes i sit here and i feel like i have my whole life figured out. the college i want to go to, the type of guy i want to met, when i want to get married and have kids, what career choice i want to be in. but then other days i sit here and think, i just don’t know. is my first choice of college really the right choice? are my friends the right friends? is what i am doing with my life the right thing? do i really want that type of man in my life, or that many kids?

i guess thats the thing about life, we just never really know. as of right now i cannot tell you i will be attending my first choice and that scares me. or that my friend choice right now will still be there when i start and end college.

we can only hope for the white picket fence and the two perfect kids and the well trained dog, but we will never know.

but we are all put here for a reason. even on a non-religious aspect, you have to somewhat believe that. we are here with the people around us for some reason, and that is one thing i know.

i think the surprises in life thrown at us is beneficial to us. not knowing everything is okay, not knowing everything is what makes us grow and learn about everything around us. i love that about the world. that is one time i do not mind not knowing everything. if i knew everything already i would not be here because we are here to learn.

maybe one day though, i will know. i will know why i go through the things i do. i will know the lifestyle i have when i am grown up, and i will know what my purpose in life is.

but as for right now, i do not care to know.  i want to just live my life and go with it all. and hopefully it goes smoothly, but it will lead me to knowing what this all means.

sorry this is 8 hours past wednesday, i feel asleep writing it.

i love you guys

How Beautiful

Sorry it has been so long since I have updated, I have been trying to get my life together haha. To make up for it I will write again on Wednesday!

So I have thought a lot lately about my looks (in a non-conceited way), and I have realized that since I have been losing weight that I feel prettier. I feel like my features come out more, honestly making me a prettier person on the outside. But that is it, all anyone ever sees is the OUTSIDE. I hate that so much. I want people to not just approach me now because my appearance is slowly becoming more pleasing to other people, I want people to talk to me for my INSIDE beauty.

How cliche right? It is not whats on the outside that matters, but what is inside that does. No I do not believe this statement 100%, because I personally feel no one would talk to me ever lol. But what I do believe is that we should care more about a persons personality more than their looks.

I mean trust me, I have the cutest friend that is just so hot, all the girls want him (including me sometimes) but what I see with him is himself. I see his personality and attributes that makes me even more attracted to him some days. I have noticed though with the other girls he talks to he does not dig deep with them, he only ever just wants them for their look and popularity, but with me, it is different. I keep him around because I love what I can bring out in him, and that is his personality. We honestly do bring out the best in each other, and that is why I keep him around.

I think that is such an important thing. Not only should your better half bring out the best in your inner beauty, but also your friends. I can look around to all my friends and name some of their best attributes and I instantly see them as the most gorgeous human beings alive, and that is what I love. Mind you I go to school with practical super models, but I can always see more beauty from them when they are good people.

Ugh our society as a whole though, man is it ugly. I hear every day the things people say about someones flaws, and not their strengths that they bring to this world. I think that we all should try and find a strength in every person we talk to because then our lives will be just a little more positive. Try and compliment every person you talk to once this week, and hopefully they will pass it on so that they can uplift another person, but remember to focus on their inner beauty and not just what the human eye sees, because they will have more confidence in themselves.

Sorry for just a jumbled up rant about inner beauty, but I do hope you guys see what I am trying to say. Hopefully Wednesday my mind will be with me and not in some random place.

I would update about my weight loss but the scale broke in my house (oh the irony) and the new one makes me a billion times lighter, but I will try and updated ASAP for you guys.

Thank you for all the love, support, comments, and telling others about my blog. I love you all