First Year Done

I remember the day my family left me in my dorm room and I knew the independence I had to carry for these next 9 months. I knew no one at my university, let alone anything about the real world. Well, this is to my first year of college and what I have learned since that first moment when I knew I was independent.

Friends

They always tell you “your friends in high school can never compare to your friends in college”, and well, let me tell you first hand that is true. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my high school friends who I love so much, but my college friends, that is another story. I think college friends are even better because they also are going through exactly what I am going through. I could encounter a person once, and they had a huge impact on my life, because of their genuine soul and heart they had for me. I left college with someone of my lifelong friends, and right now I wanna thank them. Our first year together was not easy, we went through hell and back a few times, but you guys stuck by me all year, and some even just this last semester and I wanna thank you for that. We had nights of tears, laughter, anger, and even nights we never wanna forget no matter what happened then, and in our tough times, please remember these nights, because let us be honest, it is what got us through this first year. Thank you for spotting me a few bucks when my paycheck was a little low that week, I promise when were successful we will make up for these times, but for now we will struggle together. Along with that, thank you for showing me such unconditional love that I have never felt before. I wake up everyday and I know that I will never have to go without feeling loved, and let me tell you, that is a feeling I never knew until I got here and it is because of my amazing friends.

Finances

I never knew what broke was until I would get excited that my mom sent me cup of noodles every month because she knew that is what I was surviving on. Even with two jobs through this year, I still struggled. But I am so thankful for freshman year struggles, it made me so humble and grateful for the hard work my parents put in all these years to get me to where I am. There were many days I went without eating, but let me tell you those home cooked meals Auntie would make on Wednesday at bible study made up for those days. And another thing, you may go to the shops and want to live lavishly, but I promise not having the newest thing is okay. For one, we are in college, we are broke and everyone knows that, learn from me, you would rather have a meal than the newest fashion style. And another thing, when it comes to moving out, you will curse at yourself the whole time for thinking it was okay to buy all this crap in excitement. Save your money now, it will be worth it in the long run.

Health

Freshman 15 is a lie. That is a myth, I mean, it does happen, but it’s a myth. I remember before I left for college my mother telling me to not over do it at the cafe and wanting me to keep tabs on what I ate so I wouldn’t gain weight, but I actually lost weight. A few tips, cafe food is actually not the best at every campus, stick to the fresh things, fruits and salads, it taste way better then that pizza every night. Also, walk. It may get tiring some days and you may be running late some morning lectures, but I promise skipping the class shuttle and leaving your dorm a few minutes early will count in the long run. I went to the gym a total of three times in my freshman year of college and I swear it did not kill me that I was not there everyday. I mean do not get me wrong take care of your body, but don’t kill yourself doing it. There are plenty of healthy options on your campus, pick them, they usually taste better. And just stick to walking. I was lucky to attend a University by beautiful beaches surrounding me, but no matter where your college is, you can find physical activity inside or outside, utilize those sources.

Academics

School is so much harder than you think, high school did not prepare this for me. It’s hard when you want to have a social life, you need to work, along with studying enough for all your courses. But if you have amazing friends, like I did, they will have the priority of studying also. Some have different study techniques, which is fine, but try and take this time to spend with friends who might also be in the same course and make the best of this time as studying and hanging out with friends. Trust me, your parents do not want to see anything but a passing grade because they are paying too much for you to be messing around too much.

My first year could not have been any better. I meet some amazing people, learned how to deal with people who I just do not get along with, and lost some life long friends just because of the distance. But aside from that I learned a lot about myself and the world around me. DO NOT just go to college thinking it’s a party. Appreciate the education and venture out to the new cities around you, it will all be worth it.

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Hurt

It comes a time in your life when you are faced with hurt, whether it be when you are a child falling off your bike, scraping your knee, or being in middle school and being bullied because that is what middle schoolers, or even later in life being hurt by what you consider a best friend or significant other. Its inevitable, we will be hurt. But does that make it hurt? Knowing that no matter where we go we will be faced with hurt from others or ourself?

Through my whole life I have suffered with hurt from others to me, intentional and unintentional and even from myself and I always knew it was never right. Starting with my parents making bad decisions leading to the life I have and having to wake up everyday hurting knowing that I would never have the white picket fence family. Leading to middle school where kids were just hurtful in their words and actions, and then getting to high school and having that boy that I thought would always be in my life hurt me. And even now in college, I hurt everyday.

I have had my family hurt me, my professors, just normal people in the community, and even some of the closest people in my life at this moment. But even with hurt surrounding us every day it is the way we react to it that is how the hurt defines us.

So we have two options here: we left this hurt define us and prove to those hurting us that we are as weak as they see us or we take that hurt and let it motivate us to prove them wrong.

In my life I first let this hurt define me in a negative way, I let it show my weakness. But now as the years have gone on and I have grown and grown up, I have taken this weakness from the hurt and let it turn me into a stronger person. I used to be the person who let everyone walk over me, I would never stand up for what was right when it came to the way people treated others and me, but now it is not like that.

Hurt can be a negative thing, it can damage a person with long or short term affects, but now we need to see it as a positive thing. We need to take the hurt in ourselves and use it to build from our flaws. We have so many people today telling others hurtful things and finding the wrongs instead of the rights in them, but as a society we need to take the hurt that we are creating away, since there is already so much hurt in this world.

All I want to do in life is make for a better tomorrow, and it’s the actions we make everyday that will make for that better tomorrow. Take away the hurt from our lives starting at this moment and only spread the positive and nice comments to others and let us see how this world changes.

I know that I did hurt, and some days I do still hurt, but it is up to me to take those negative comments and gain from them. But now it is also up to us as a society to stop those negative comments and learn to love so we can be loved.

Thankful

Lately I have just been so thankful and grateful for the life I have been given. 

I am healthy. 

I have family. (that love me)

I have friends that support me. 

I have a free education that is helping me further my education. 

I have the gospel. (I’m LDS)

And this list is just a few of the things I have that I am so grateful for. 

After this holiday season started I realized that these were the things I needed to thank God for everyday because a year from now I will be starting a new life away from all of these wonderful things that I cannot express how much I love. 

I just wanted to write a thank you letter. Not to people I see everyday but to my Heavenly Father. 

Thank you for everything you have placed my in my life: my friends, my trials, my triumphs, the opportunities I’ve had. I am forever grateful and love every part of it. I love my bad days just as much as I love my good days because everyday I grow and build up. 

I want to challenge everyone to remember to be thankful, not just now during the season for everyday of the year the rest of their lives. 

I love you all and thank you for the support and taking time to read my blog. 

Misunderstanding

Some people may have misunderstood my last post. I wrote that post to get things off my chest not to “bring anyone down or attack them”

I have a right to freedom of speech and what I choose to say as long as I do not invade the privacy of people. 

I am so grateful for all the love and support, though, that I have gotten from my dear friends. You all inspire and lift me up every day and I am ever so grateful for you guys. 

As for the others, you do not have to read my blog, I promise my feelings will not be hurt. But what will make me not so happy is those people that feel it necessary to be immature about a post. All of the people that read my blog are close to adulthood or in adulthood and should be mature enough to read anything I say and have a mind open enough to understand not only their point of views on the world. 

I appreciate the feedback I have gotten from everyone and I cannot wait to write more for the people that love my blogs. But for those who do not agree, I swear it will not kill you if you do not read it and it definitely will not hurt me. 

I love you all. Thanks for the support since the last blog post. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for all of us. 

I’m Not Sorry

I am writing this blog post today in hopes that only one certian person sees it. I will be polite and not include any names, and if I do they will not be real names. This is the apology letter I will never write. 

I am not sorry. I am not sorry that you saw what I did I was wrong. Should I not be allowed to speak my feelings? You say you’re mad because I butted my nose in the wrong business, but I didn’t I just called you out on all the BS you were doing, but no one does that to you, no one dares to say you’re wrong and it is for this exact reason. You sit here on your high horse pushing your friends or as I see it serverants around telling them everything to do while they bask in your glory. And don’t say this is not true because I watchcd you do it today to your new “best friend” (P.S. it won’t last long after season ends). She wanted to sit in a certian spot that she was at in the first place but you were to lazy and stubborn to walk three feet to the next available seat and made her move. If you do not see that as wrong, I’m glad we are no longer friends because I would give up the world for you and you couldn’t even give up a seat for your friends.

I sat there for a year in our friendship and I let you push me around, because I know on my bad days, which were not as often as yours, I would push you around too. But it got to a point where I could no longer tolerate it. I could no longer take the pain you give me. I am not saying that every day you hurt me, but more often in our friendship was I upset with choices you made and did to me and I never said anything then was I happy.

I am not sorry that you were too childish to take the real world on as I told you how I felt. You did not even support me in my college and applications, but I supported you in the choices you made in relationships and people you were never in a relationship with, the people you hung out with, and the type  of person you wanted to be, but you could never support me in my choice to go to college. How screwed up could one person be. That is when you know someone envies you because you could not even hear the world college out of my mouth unless I wanted you upset at me. That is pretty screwed up.

But you know what I will be sorry for? When your current friends forget you, you and your boyfriend break up, and no one is there for you. Wanna know why? Because you know deep down if you would have never done and said the things you did to me, I would be there through all of that to support you. And maybe one day if you grow up we can talk, but this will no longer be your show, but instead what I ask for, because if you truly did ever want me back, it would take forever to prove that to me.

And I hope you read this and cried because you know you were wrong and you can’t have me back like the other times. But my phone is always on, and my door is always open no matter the circumstances.

P.S. if you want your stuff back you can be an adult and ask me to my face and not hide behind your phone and friends.

I will never be sorry for how I feel, and neither should anyone because we obviously have these feelings for a reason.

Love always

Goodbyes

I hope that you all took my challenge of looking around at your friends and realizing which ones are there to uplift you and make you a better person and you made an effort to show your apprectiation with them.

I personally know I struggled with my own challenge, I had to step back and see who benefitted me most and brought me up. Sadly, a week later the decision is still up in the air for the other party but I know the decision I made, and I know that it was the right decision, and when it comes time to share my decision, I pray we made the same one.

This past week I reflected a lot on my life after high school. I know that I will be attending a four year, which has been my goal since I was 8-years old. My heart breaks though when I think about college. My dream college has always  been in Hawaii, that has always been my dream, to live for four years in a paradise. But now as I apply for colleges, and face the real life sadness of the goodbyes I will be saying less than 8 months.

I brought this up to my best friend. She has decided to attend a JC, and I have never been more proud of someone, she has made the choice to further her education and that just makes me so proud of her. But with this choice we will be forced to seperate in a year, and that breaks us both. We both had to realize that our goodbye is coming, that we will not wake up everyday knowing we will see each other in an hour, that we cannot just call each other up and meet in the next 7 minutes it takes to get to each others houses, that on Sunday’s we can not go up to our hang out spot and talk about all the people that have upset us in any way.

With that being said, I go back to my challenge last week, with knowing that college is around the corner, I had to choose who I wanted to conquer that journey with and it is not only my one best friend deciding to be local when she starts her college career, but also my other best friend that is applying to four years like me. I personally made mistakes this week that might affect my decision but I know that in a year when I move into my dorm they are the only girls I will want to call up to tell them about the new cute boys, the town I live in, how my roommates have their own weird habits, and knowing this makes goodbye so hard for me. Knowing that I will not share such an important event in my life with my two best friends kills me because whenever a big event (or even small) occurs in my life, they are the two I go to first, no matter what.

But I will not only be leaving my best friends but my family. I watched my sister go to college a few years back and that was the number one saddest thing to happen in my life thus far. I remember how sad and quiet my house was for the first time in 16 years, since I was the last one to be home. No longer were there over 10 teenagers in  my house all hanging out, no longer did my mom need to make abundance of food for our friends just randomly showing up for dinner, and I know as I leave the house everything will be different. This is my last year for home cooked meals every night by my mom, the last year for my step dad to nag me to close my bedroom door because my floor is too messy, or them telling me to turn off my light every time I leave my room. I know personally I will miss these things the most.

I want everyone, even those done with all of their schooling to embrace everything in their life everyday. As I grow closer to adulthood I see how easy it is for people to just be gone in a blink of an eye, or how your health fails you more often than not. Everyone needs to face the facts that real goodbyes are coming our way and we do not want to regret anything. Say how you truly feel to a person, because if they listen, then they are a true friend and you need to keep them around. Leave a situation if you are not happy, say those types of goodbyes, because if you keep getting hurt you will no longer be a happy, lively person, and  I personally think everyone should be like that.

Now since I did not update last week, I have lost an overall of 21.8 pounds since I have started my  weight loss journey. I look in the mirror every morning and see the progress, and my stomach shrinking.

I would like to thank everyone who has complimented me on my accomplishments, and noticing what I am doing in my life to be a better person, those compliments keep me going some days. And for those that read my blog and take something from it, thank you for supporting me.

I love all of you